I know there is a difference between being alone and being lonely or feeling alone. A young neighbor brought that sharply to mind this week. I know those feelings well.

First, I’ll reiterate that I am an introvert. I enjoy my time of solitude, aloneness if you will. I like being in the company of others, but it drains me, sometimes to the point of developing migraines, which are no fun at all. Being in large groups, having to be “social”–it takes its toll on introverts. I have to have time, sometimes days, to recharge and “recover.”

However, feeling lonely and isolated is something totally different. Even the most extroverted person can feel lonely and isolated, or even alienated, in the crowd that normally gives him or her energy and joy.

My time with my young friend yesterday made me think about that line of discrimination between solitude and aloneness and loneliness and isolation. What if those feelings of loneliness are brought on by difficult circumstances? What can another person do to help?

The first thing is to listen. Just listen. Let the other person tell you what she is feeling and why.

The second thing is not to try to fix her. Most of the time, the other person does not want you to fix her; she just wants to be heard.

The third thing is to empathize. Most of us have had those times of loneliness. Let her know that she is not the only one. I told my friend that she could always come over to sit on the swing. I would give her a cup of tea and hold her hand while we sat there watching her children run around the yard (It’s been almost 20 years since little ones ran around the backyard). If she wanted to, we’d gather a handful of rocks and throw them in the pond. I must admit that there is something very satisfying about chunking that rock into the pond with all the force I can muster; the same goes for slamming a door! If you have your own story, sometimes it’s helpful to share that story–not what you did to fix the situation, but enough to let her know that she is not the only person who has felt that way.

This is pretty simplistic. I’m sure psychologists have much more insightful advice. But these are things that we can do right now. I also believe in the power of prayer. Certainly, my young friend is now on my prayer list. I can’t fix her situation or give her the one solution to remedy it. I can pray, though, that a solution or remedy is forthcoming. Sometimes, just sharing your burden with another person is enough.

Our conversation brought me to another point that is important to me. For whatever reason, mental and emotional health issues are just not talked about openly, and therein, at least to me, is the reason why we often feel isolated and lonely. My friend told me that once others said, “I feel or have felt that way, too,” to her, she felt better. She still struggles, but she knows she is no longer alone. We need to have these discussions openly with each other. We need to take away the stigma that often accompanies discussions of mental health. It is still another way to relieve the isolation of loneliness.

And I will be checking up on her in the coming weeks. She will know she is not alone.